Shredding Leaves Machete

Infinite Man

never knew the name the first guy you heard of Pablo Andrada, but I remember the occasion: it was in the presentation of the magazine "Numbers", a publication on local and other trifles mathematical curiosities related to the hard science.

"We can conceive the infinity of natural numbers when we understand that whenever we get another one before adding the guy said. Then, we speak of all the natural numbers as a complete and finished thing, hiding under the rug the fact that we never finished conceiving at all.

Some of these frowning because the comment referred to a discussion of the early old 900, when Cantor introduced the idea of \u200b\u200bactual infinity , which conceived precisely to a set without end as a finished thing as long as could be explained in a finite and get all its elements against the idea at the time of a potentially infinite , as a sequence that can only be flown but never completed.

Dr. Pernacci broke the ice with elegance and realized this fact.
"Dear friend, if we say" 1 is a natural number "and that" if to is a natural number is also to +1, we have referred all using only a handful of words "He paused, nodding oozed the other and continued. The resulting set contains an infinity of elements, but we able to define them all by a finite expression, perfectly conceivable. Understanding this has allowed the mathematical burst forth beautifully.

"Yes, yes," said the first-but you can not conceive at all, think one by one in all the natural numbers.

There was another silence, and less critical and more reflective.

"True," said the flamboyant editor of the small group that was jumping in small group with a tray of canapés, we have not been given to humans conceive of infinity, "and sarcastically added one by one.

There was laughter.

"I did not rush me Therefore, "the guy finally revealing his speech object a couple of months ago I found a very interesting subject. It is almost a teenager. Deals pizzas on a scooter. His name is Pablo Andrada.

- And what is the grace of the creature? Rosalie asked Barrantes, a professor of mathematics at secondary school was not understanding much of what was spoken and used the accessibility of the last comment to put her sandwich.

-Pablo Andrada, gentlemen, is able to conceive in a few little minutes all the natural numbers one by one, the infinite.

There was a brief silence, then a whisper in a low and a final barrage of jokes and laughter which provides not remember exactly.

The episode had been forgotten in the absence of the sequence of events that forced me to keep track of the topic.
I do not know if it was random or a simple fact probably gained special significance for the history of that episode, but as three years in an obscure library in the neighborhood of Congress I found a specimen immersed in a tray of offerings whose title captured my attention: If we could count to infinity , a certain Marco Tancredo. It was a small booklet of about two hundred pages of original version in Milano, 1972. This Second Edition was the year '81 and had signs whites in the windows have remained throughout his life. I quickly approached the seller and asked the price.
for twenty-two, those of the bat.
"I want only this. "Twenty-
said.
I looked for a moment with disgust and grabbed any other book in the drawer. "Modern kitchen for easy woman", I think. Quick read the title and gave it a certain hostility.
I walked to the subway with a special thrill, an absolute expectation mixed with some concern that forced me to turn around repeatedly, as if someone was following me.

I spent the days reading, studying and digesting the book Tancredo.
In a broad introduction to the subject of debate, passed an assessment of the epistemological consequences resulting from a perception of the infinite by humans. Transcribe
Page 23:

In the formal sciences, the pure truth of some statements transmitted to others through the show, this being a finite sequence of statements followed each other by the rules of logical inference. What if humans could carry infinite demonstrations steps? What, if anything could be from an infinity of initial axioms? What strange places would take the eventual cognitive infinite capacity to process, object by object?

then followed with a discussion of Gödel's theorems. The logical formidable Austrian proved that from a set of axioms or initial statements that could be recorded by a finite number of words, they could never prove all the truths of arithmetic, demonstrations by finite steps. Assuming that only men can conceive finite axiom systems for the purposes stated and we can only logical demonstrations of finite steps, this amounted to saying that our knowledge of the truths of arithmetic is doomed to incompleteness. In fact, understanding these limits of science called formal finitary has dominated research on logic and information theory to this day. We now know that the formal sciences are accurate, often at the expense of being incomplete.
But what would happen if a breed of men capable of conceiving an infinite number of axioms, able to process endless demonstrations? Could these men have access to all the arithmetic?

While reading the book, the name of Pablo Andrada came to my mind many times. A man who could count all the natural numbers, conceiving one by one, dominate the essence of the thought processes that would be required for demonstrations without end. Such a man could bring the ship into port knowing formal suspect. Did the
But as Pablo Andrada?

In one chapter, the book explores the physical possibility of a brain capable of counting to infinity.
In a naive approach, one would assume that to count to infinity in a little minutes, at some point would need a number to an infinitesimal time. But this is not so, as well as notes Tancredo.
If it takes a minute to count 1, half a minute to count 2, a quarter of a minute to count 3, eighth in count 4 and so on, counting every natural number in half the time it was used in the previous count, it would take two minutes to count them all.
This is easy to see. The total time would 1 + 1 / 2 + 1 / 4 + 1 / 8 + 1 / 16 + ... , which turns out to be 2, as is already known length. But the most interesting that the delayed time to count each number is never infinitely small. It can be very small, may be shrinking, but absolutely no natural number is counted in an infinitesimal time, the following procedure.
Thus, a brain to infinity, does not necessarily require information processing speed infinite. You only need to process it as fast as you want, but not infinitely fast. Thereafter
Tancredo makes a detailed inspection of the possibilities of an electronic brain to handle infinity, where I really have lost between axons and dendrites. Yes I knew that long after the publication of his book appeared venture theories quantum machinery, electronics no longer, as a physical basis for the functioning of the brain. Machinery that would give the brain a lot more possibilities than could be envisaged on a mere ordinary course of jumping from neuron to neuron.
Whatever the case, you end up convinced that chapter the so Pablo Andrada could exist.

At the end of the book, Tancredo makes historical research tracks in the past presence of individuals capable of taming the infinite. There, italic develops a much more detailed presentation about a past documented for a possible sectarian human breed "infinity."
The story is set in Crotona, Italy, home of the Pythagorean school, where Tancredo says he found documentation that accounts for a branch of the Pythagoreans who had the ability to count to infinity.
Pythagoras was more mystical than mathematical. He believed in the transmigration of the human soul and gave the institute, made up of students from around the world, a mysterious and apparently hidden legacy of Zoroaster, who had visited an eventual trip to Persia. Known is the story of Hippasus of Metaponto, one of its most outstanding students who demonstrate that the root of two is not a rational number. It should be clarified that Pythagoras held that all non-integer, could be written as a ratio of integers, that is, as a rational, so that the test Hippasus darkened considerably, to such an extent that forced the members of your school to keep secret about the finding. But it was the very Hippasus which violated the secret and found death soon after, according to it is believed, at the hands of the Pythagoreans or even by order of Pythagoras himself.
Under these facts, it is foolish to think that a possible branch of the Pythagoreans to exhibit the ability to master the infinite, also saw the shadows of silence, rather than by a love for the occult, for mere survival instinct. Tancredo
account Hilíaco then the history of Syracuse, a taciturn and timid character, germinated in the shade of Pythagoras and maintained it by himself. Apparently Hilíaco not show big math skills, but could count all the numbers, without skipping or delay. When the Pythagorean school falls into the hands of the democratic revolution Hilíaco fled to Syracuse with a handful of disciples and founded a sect so hidden that even know his name. Despite this, the sect had managed to concentrate a large number of individuals capable of infinite thought.
But the fate of hiliacóricos would be marked by the tragedy because of two facts: First, a marked tendency for the "infinite" most staunch the madness and the other a discretion so stringent that have led to the disappearance school with the death of its last members sane.

Latest Tancredo claims are highly speculative and offers little material for analysis. Simply argues that this curious property of a brain capable of the infinite sequence, derived from a mutation that he places without further argument, on chromosome 17. But from there, and making some simple progressions which quantifies some default parameters and other excess, Tancredo claims that there should be infinite even a handful of likely spread through Europe and South America.
course, Tancredo's work was paid by the possibility of a Pablo Andrada, and that height and I wondered whether it would be possible to find him.

Throughout the study period of this work, I was discussing the details with some colleagues from the University. In particular, I have had thick coffee chats with Dr. Alfredo Cuernavaca, a former teacher and a scholar of logic and foundations, who explored the issue in great detail, aspect by aspect. I must say that beyond the endless meanderings of debate, its position on the topic could be summed up clearly: Cuernavaca was an uncompromising critic of the whole idea, which did not hesitate to describe as crazy and delusional.

But the most notable of those days was a strange feeling of anxiety and restlessness that pervaded every time I walked by the street. He felt being watched or persecuted, and did not hesitate to turn around to look back, two or three times per block. Finally, these views had their rational explanation when an unknown individual approached me in the subway platform.

"I know the dilemma that eats," he said without introduction.
- What?
"You're looking for Pablo Andrada, right? -Added ignoring my requisition. There
knew what he was talking about. I hesitated between asking who he was or deny everything. This was a guy in his fifties, with many roasted belly breath and some alcohol. I let the subway and answered.
"Not that you're looking for, but I'd love to know.
"You must know that the boy needs help. It is not easy to find a guy like you, aware of these issues. You understand me right?.
"Look, I'm just a mathematician who has been investigating these issues.
The man gave a smile and shook her head facing the floor.
"I know you can help me. No one else can.
He paused briefly and continued.
-A Paul has not fared well. Did not last in any job. Already has twenty years and no overtones that can succeed only with your life. Now a promoter of insurance. Bah, for fifteen days. Has not yet sold a single policy. And that's forever. May do well talk to you.
I stopped talking for a while. Finally made an appointment for next Saturday in an old bar on Avenida de Mayo.
-Paul will be alone, "he said. You will recognize by his bag with the logo of "maximum security." Do not tell that spoke to me.
"I can not say I talked to you because they are not who you are," I said.
"Oh, sorry. I am Joseph Andrada, Pablo's father said and held out his hand. Since the subway
moving yelled from the platform.
- Handle with care! You know!.
But I did not know anything. Not go knew.

waited anxiously Saturday. I reviewed my notes and revive my doubts. Damn! What no one would ask a person who can count to infinity?

On Saturday I was there. I entered the bar with an expectation indescribable. I think I shook his feet. There was the boy with his briefcase, looking at the window with abandon. He was tall and very thin. Just wrapped meat, bones emerged from the sleeve of his coat very wide and ended in long, cadaverous fingers dangling from her wrists with sheer disdain.
"Good afternoon," I said. Are you Pablo Andrada? Yes
sir. Sit down please, "he said, and quickly began to talk as he opened his briefcase.
I was surprised at ease. I expected a more subdued personality. Had he not sold a single policy? I really like a very brash seller. In fact, before I knew it I was explaining the details of your home and contents insurance.
-Paul - I said, "Do you drink coffee?
"Excuse me, of course, ask for something. Yes, coffee will be fine. Then he slowly probed
.
- Do you know why am I here?
He looked puzzled.
"I suppose you are looking for a good insurance for your home.
Paul did not know.
Slowly I introduced the topic and quickly realize the target that the shots were directed.
He formed a slight smile, looking at the tablecloth, shaking with a little crumb nonexistent.
"My father ... my father," he said. You are here for my curious ability to count the numbers right?.
"Yes." Actually there are many things I do not understand. I can not imagine how it is possible to count to infinity.
"You do not believe is not it?
"Not that do not believe ...
-Note-off. Pablo Andrada
Then he closed his eyes, placed his palms on the table and began to count.

"One, two, three, four, five, six ..." and continued to enjoy "... twelve, thirteen, fourteen ..." and accelerated and went cash-... vtiún, vtidós, vtitrés-and faster-cient ... . vtiún, cient.vtidó, cient.vtitré .... His eyes went back and forth under your closed eyelids. Then diluted in an incomprehensible babble that degenerated into a first-bidibidibidibidi ... "and then a sharp-zibizibizibizibi hum ..." to end abruptly with a "Zzzzzzsssssssssp.

followed a silence.
As white is the sum of all colors, my silence was the sum of all thoughts. Thoughts raced through my consciousness so fast that none could be defined.
Paul opened his eyes slowly. He raised his coffee cup and sip half I spied the face. Why not have seen it quickly because the drink talking.
- What else? "He said.
He barely managed to control my disappointment. Unwittingly decided to ignore my strong suspicions of fraud and proceed with the planned investigation. We talked a while longer the issue. I wrote a problem on sums infinite in a paper napkin. He said he would review at home and continued its sale of insurance.

I left the bar late in excusing myself to take another appointment and I took off from there.
raining. Was fine. The rain would wash the stupidity and punish me accordingly. Only a wise thing to draw from the interview: If a man could really capture the infinite, could not show it to anyone.

next day it happened. Again on the platform of the subway. Someone started screaming at my back.
- Son of a bitch! Son of a bitch!
startled I turned and saw me coming the rough body of Joseph Andrada caught me neck and gave me a punch. Highly exalted
kept yelling something drunk bastard! I told him to treat with care! And look what he did! Putaaaaa Son!
other passengers quickly intervened and security personnel. I pulled the man over. I did a couple of questions and refused to meet him.
I came home with a broken nose and a mind full of questions. What are you accusing me? Paul left it in perfect conditions Saturday at the bar. What was my carelessness and what evidence of it?
The next day I returned to the bar as offenders returning to the scene of the crime.
The waiter cleared the table and I gave several turns over with his rag. Seconds later I asked.
- And? How is your friend? I watched with amazement

- What happened to my friend? "I said.
"That we want to know us. After you left, he was there, sitting in his chair, made a long pause. About three hours we began to worry. The guy did not move you know. I went and played it a little. Nothing. I shook him more vigorously. Nothing, the boy opened his eyes big, and I with him. Stood motionless, his eyes opened by reading a note in the table. A napkin with some beads. As at twelve o'clock the ambulance took him well, as dead with open eyes.
- What did the napkin? I asked in awe.
I do not know. I do not understand anything but here I kept antics, look, he said as he drew the napkin from his pocket.
I extended the slip and I could see my own hand the simple question about infinite sums, "which is the sum infinitely +1-1 +1-1 +1-1 +1 1 ... ..? . "

Then I realized with horror that Paul Andrada itself was a genuine descendant of the hiliacóricos , an infinite shaft, which by the grace most vulgar of my carelessness had been suspended in limbo abstract, without colors or sounds, like hell, forever oscillating between one and two.

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Introduction

In 1990

Sonic Youth released their eighth album, "Goo " and embarked on a tour that took them to tour Europe the following year accompanied by bands like Dinosaur Jr. , Nirvana or Babes in toyland. To pick up what happened during those crazy days, contacted the director David Markey to using cameras of small size and with a total budget of $ 6,000 collected the best and most bizarre of the first major European tour Sonic Youth leaving unforgettable times as many ravings Thurston Moore ( 're not just a duck, You are human, YOU ARE HUMAN ") or lysergic description by Dave Grohl and Chris Novoselic food on a table that is chained to the madness of Kurt Cobain dress "Doctor Bacterio" and wrecking the stage while playing in the background " School "

The video that the band released 1992 California " 1991 the year punk broke "I served as a pretext and as a framework to carry out a reflection on the musical moment that happened in 1991.

This blog will appear regularly personal criticism of the discs, from my point of view, marked 1991, the first part of the 90's and, given their importance and quality, the music world in general .

The blog will be divided into 3:

• On one hand I am going to focus on the disks that I, personally, I look better (in fact, the best I've ever heard) This is the section most important.
  
• the other leave a space for the most important albums of that year agreed to a large extent, to be the most important race of perpetrators. And
• license, devote a section to the disks that orbited around 1991 (a couple of years before or after) and that quality, completed the musical quality of the late 80's and early 90 .
  

My question is, and this is where I want you start to think: Why is everything in 1991 ...? Ocurrión What then?

A part of my opinions, I like yours were also and to propose discs, correct errors or contributions you want to see if together we can find out what were the causes for 1991 was so successful musically.

Thanks for stopping by here.
ship.

How To Register The Clonk Rage

Sailing The Seas Of Cheese (1991) - Primus


Primus Talk is talk, no doubt, Les Claypool who in this band, and citing Wikipedia , plays the electric bass, fretless bass (fretless), the bass, fiddle (violin rustic), the fuzz, clarinet and mandolin and also acts as the voice ... In order that those who do not meet this great musician will spend few minutes in Spotify or you take a look at their multiple videos not only for the quality you will find but also by how well it will happen.

But today I'll start by confessing how much they know Primus and the few I've heard his records. The truth is that this is the thirteenth critical do a disk 1991 and Primus happens I know I have a lot more edited and I am sure I will find in all great songs, among which I know many loose, but I've never put his other albums. Nothing to do with other bands I've talked to here as Pixies or Nirvana and I worship every minute of his discography. I have, therefore, that this " Sailing the Seas of Cheese " is the only Primus whole and I have heard is that there is a style, these guys, I go insane. But as things happened 1991 so special, Primus released their most popular work and, of course, came to Spain, Madrid, Aluche and get into my bedroom I found brutal. That to love only one of the disks from someone is something that happens to me with a bunch of bands. At some point in their careers released an album that I eat, it becomes my "favorite the moment "and upload it places on the scale of musical values \u200b\u200bof my head above other bands' entire discography, but curiously did not I listen to him any other ever. Over the years, and I still hear the album in question and not get tired of it, but the rest? There remain, forgotten. Do not know why but it is. It happens with this " Sailing ... "me about the" Ill Communication "(1994) of the Beastie Boys me about the" Louden Up Now "(2005), Chk Chk Chk , with" Crash "(1996) by Dave Matthews Band , with the " ... And The Circus Leaves Town " (1995) of Kyuss ... Funny, right? Sure I lose a handful of good songs but is not overwhelmed and so I confess.

the album in question I will highlight, of course, some amazing low with special attention to pinging sound given off when the good Les hit the strings against the frets and the neck. Do not miss it in "Tommy the cat ", specifically at minute 3:06 . The guitars , mmmm, just to note. Almost always in fourth place behind the other elements of the band (So \u200b\u200bas not remove, either, leadership), do not tell me much. The battery , complete and diverse, a quality close to Jazz acomañante worth making the real benchmark for the band, the low . As for the voice, cover your nose and sharpens the air coming out of your throat to almost look like a kid playing the fool and I've come, just maybe, the registration of Les . Now hinchate to hallucinogens and invent a delirious lyrics, crazy and past threads and perhaps touch the subject that I touches. Put the point with an occasional serious social criticism masquerading ( American Life, which I must admit that I like to guitar) and have understood something of this story that navigates the seas of cheese . And finally, hire artists to invent characters portrayed by cats , beavers, pigs , kapok jeans and waiters and you've got endless arms on the screen correspond to the delusional world that is spoken in this record. As said earlier, be worth the odd Primus video because it is a fun activity. They have a few facts in hilarious stop motion. And

are these guys, and of virtuous and fun. And so we left this wonderful collection of very good songs in 1991, all difficult to hear and difficult to accept for the ears of the public, hence the merit of remaining in business and being so important after years of musical line.

Highlights:

• Here Come the Bastards, Those Damned Blue-Collar Tweekers, Jerry Was a Race Car Driver, etc..

• The bass and vocals, ie Les Claypool.

• The videos do not miss one. Not just this album, but all of Primus. Here more examples out of "Sailing ... "Wynona's Big Brown Beaver, Southbound Pachyderm, Mr. Krinkle
  

• The super low-battery combination and so clean breaks and breakers of it.

• Come, go, I'll stay with a little guitar. That is the "American Life", which has its share of ownership, as I said. Critical

published November 21, 2010

What Do You Put In A Goodie Bag

He'll be invisible God of the deadly
And spit on your side
Beyond their websites

Since the vast confines
Child
flew his flight fell on his ass in the mud A few meters Creek


Without understanding his destiny
wandered through the mist dark paths or roads
Ni Ni

lights from above
Dressed in rags, her body in garbage

Found In
imaginary coat punished real winds eased

extreme anger of his bowels empty

With the unknown
pastiches removed from their gums

At the end of a course
After traveling a thousand neighborhoods
The moles moved with his motley
City Awnings


Multitudes busy shining

Machinery fabulous rush in the city embraced


shouted unknown history have found
He thanked
The end for bad


The Wrong innocence of the child on the street believe that
Christian vulgar
From the top you see the valley

Y on the absolute vortex
's Corner assimilated more sensitive

condemnation of seeing and being invisible


Sunk in the recesses of the fabulous city garbage invisible
As humanity rests

Media
and spent winters in their eagerness
And they succeed

tanned leather and emptied the mind

The child crossed the street
With expertise and aims ignorant wobble
While
A bag with poison

The persistent drizzle frosting without
I feel it takes a few rags

filthy nap To wrap a bun

ago with his rag

To cover wind and hand stretched thin
Begging for their livelihood

Caen coins in the palm
Seeking inadvertently
A shelter for the soul
A mother in the storm

Katydids Peanut Candy

The Invisible Child The little god

(short story)

long, long time, back in paradise the young son of a god showed his little job at Yellow Salita teacher.
- How beautiful! "Said the teacher. What's your name?
-Earth, "said the little god.

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The Enigma of the Bar of the Old and Five Cats Microstories

Some things can only happen at night. The night has a magic veil, a crown of stars and an army of shadows. And the stars are mysterious, and shadows dark.
Who draws the magic and mystery, has to like the night.
Who can deny the flavor of a neighborhood walk at two in the morning? There you can hear the silence of the moon, it senses the humidity of the old building, breathing is heard over the gardens. The barks are different at night, and the hum of a car engine isolated. Everything is unique, solitary and personal. Things are closer to things and one is closer to one.
turned the corner and walked down the sidewalk broken, wet with dew. Lying to the right of succession of retail, who slept with their blinds cast aside as tired eyelids. On the left, the pavement, with its swirls of black crushed leaves dancing around on the cobblestones, rocked by the current stroking Pampa came to be opened in a delta breeze to reach the city. At night, Buenos Aires again a village that disrupts the field, just a sore on the endless plains where dwell the drink from the river worms.
The black car crossed the intersection, two blocks up. All cars are black with two in the morning. Cars and cats. Perhaps odd, perhaps bored, I walked the two blocks and turn right following the itinerary of the vehicle. Leading to a dark alley with no name. The black car was parked in front, next to an old bar that just radiated light on the tiles and the street. A few cats prowling at the door. They came in, went out and jumped to the roofs of adjoining houses. There meowed, running, climbing, stalking, were, quarreled cut off the light and copulating hidden in the shadows.
I entered the bar. I positioned myself at a table near the window open. Out there was not much to look at, but between the walls and windows, you always choose the windows. It seemed surreal
a bar open morning, half of an alley, but certainly the place was quite crowded. It was an old building restored with more gusto than glory. Imposed the original floor mosaics in black and white alternating with a guard of two braided black stripes on white background that ran the local contour. The walls were adorned with a rustic plaster and exhibited a deliberate flaking bricks big time consumed by the battle, just primed with matt varnish. From the roof down invisible chains topped black hats screens open as Chinese, a translucent material that was floating above the tables, pushing the light down, leaving a dark whole space over two meters. There was more than twenty tables set with rectangular geometry, elements forming a wide and short around the bar. At the bottom, under an archway important was access to healthcare. Below the figures of the lady and gentleman, hung two twisted little signs that read: "Only for customers." Y-very funny-at every door, down, had a passer and forth to the free movement of pets, I quickly learned, were invariably cats.
I felt upon entering the rough touch from outside eyes that make one feel an outsider. At the next table, two elderly women were talking animatedly while taking an herbal tea with tart apples and pay lemmon.
I called the waiter and ordered an Italian Capuchin with amaretti and a glass of sherry. It was an older man, very ceremonious that immediately set the table and drew on objects with a slow and orderly routine. Individual placed a tablecloth, a centerpiece, two chocolates wrapped in foil and cellophane, a water jug \u200b\u200band a glass cone short and thick walls and vertical stripes. Then I serve
-order, "he said. And he left.
I leaned over the back to study people. Then a man came out of the toilet octogenarian laborious strides advancing hanging from a stick of polished wood. Behind me stood a middle-age, folded his newspaper and assisted quickly.
I do not know if it is good to come here, Don Ippolito, "he said as he held.
"It's wonderful," replied the old man. Tomorrow come again.
The wizard shook his head.
"This addiction will take you to the grave.
-Pepito I'm already dead. I come here to live my last moments.
came out slowly, got into a blue vehicle that awaited mid-block and disappeared around the corner.
As I thought about the riddle of that conversation I realized that almost all the bar patrons were elderly.
A black cat emerged from the little door swing of men's health. Came to the village, went to two or three cats that seemed to be waiting and together they disappeared into the darkness of the alley.
A tan cat approached me with determination and started to rub against my calf. Supported rubbing his mustache and wore all his side firmly to the tip of the tail, then made an eight between my legs and repeat the operation on my other calf. I stroked his head and narrowed his eyes with pleasure. After a while of repeating his routine mimosa, darted and disappeared behind the door of the ladies' toilet, leaving my woolen socks covered with yellow hairs.
The waiter brought me a cappuccino and took the Travel to charge the old cup of tea of \u200b\u200bherbs, they had some trouble to pay. Trouble immediately explained because immediately after they left the bathroom.
I sipped my coffee while watching the gathering of cats outside. The entire alley was full of cats. Looking at the ceilings could see them as shadows against the sky lunate, coming and going with a strange frenzy. Now and then fell to the sidewalk, gathered in twos or threes and marched in a group with definite course, going through the alley to get around the wall and fall into the backyards of an old chapel.
A flirtatious old and very stained walked past my table paused a moment, I whispered very quietly and continued his march toward the street. Nice
-half, "he said, especially soft.
At the same time, another old woman came to the place, walking very slowly, leaning slightly forward. Advanced support as a table or chair could. He sat near me, I looked for a moment and looked down when I watched. Could not be less than ninety years.
Two cats left the ladies room running around happily, the first waited a moment to the second and both party marched to the cats that seemed to run on the alley.
An elderly man who was just got up and sat at the table next to the old nonagenarian who had just entered. They talked, discussed, he insisted on referring a previous meeting.
"Come on, Have not had a good time? If you spent barbarian, I going to tell me.
She refused again and again and swear that at one point I looked for help.
When the grandfather became burdensome and began to pull you hand to the poor old lady shaking forward and back, I thought I should intervene. Sorry
-grandfather, but I think the lady prefers to be alone.
The old man turned to face me, with a spectacular twist that kept the neck fixed and rotating from the waist, spied me looking up, he hesitated a moment, then raised both hands, palms forward.
"Okay," he said. Stood up and went to the toilet with misaligned quickly and misplaced humor. Nearly fell off the trip with a cat that came from below, by the little door swinging, but the animal eluded him with skill and continued.
"Thank you young," said the old woman patted my hand and looked at me tenderly. I smiled and went back to my table to check that the scene had not gone unnoticed and that all eyes watching me. Hostile how old, eternal in the old.
"I do not know what makes a man so young in this place, I heard someone say. I was
a while, and intrigued by the movement of that site. As badly injured for life puppets, these characters pay your account and crawled into a crack of bone and cartilage to the overcrowded health, which came and went through that little gate cats below. I noticed that the elderly's cup of tea after half an hour had not yet come. Found that, in general, none of which had entered, was out. Out other, yes, and cats, who came and went, but not in any manner, males traveled the men's room and the girls the ladies, and none ever wrong door. Finally the old lady
nonagenarian paid his bill and moved to the bathroom screaming through the eyes of many aches of old age.
I called the waiter and asked for the account. In the meantime, a gray and black cat pulled me over and scratched my face. I instinctively jumped back as the beast quickly retreated to the door. I paid the waiter commenting on the attack.
"I'm sorry sir, but understand that we can not take the cats," she said, and winked.
No. I did not understand. What is already cleared with plenty of light there was something strange happening with the old and cats, and all questions led me to the toilet where each other came and went without logic or reason.
A white cat went through the little door and I came to the table. I crouched waiting for another scratch, but the white cat climbed into my lap and wrapped in a posture of rest. Stroked it and felt a little closer, sweet, I'd say excitedly. Jumped to the floor, looked at me with gray eyes that wanted to tell me something. He went to the bathroom door, turned to my table and went to the bathroom. From the doorway looking at me, gave me a turn and turned to look. Finally headed for the exit door and went into the street.
I got settled and went to the bathroom "customers only" to pulverize the riddles.
To the right of a central aisle, against a mirror that filled the entire wall, there were four old-style toilets clean. On the left, three little doors that gave two separate cubicles. A cat came under one of those doors and left the bathroom. I looked in there to spy on the site soon. I entered and closed the door. There was a toilet, a roll of toilet paper and a plastic basket with lid. In the wall on the left a sign proclaiming a recommendation absurd: "Remember that it is appropriate to extend the cat-state for more than two hours." Before digesting the phrase began to feel dizzy. The walls were extended upwards and suddenly became gigantic toilet. I lost consciousness and regained it at the time. I left the cubicle totally disoriented. Transit corridor stumbled huge and distorted, I left the room and involuntary instinct drew me into the street.
Out there they all were, revealing the mystery. Abandoned to vice eternal youth, enjoying the agility without pain, drinking the elixir of the pirouette and jump to the ceiling, forming groups, speaking of the ancient dances of the neighborhood clubs, Boca reciting the formation of 47, exuding health and whistling of tangos and Goyeneche, Hugo del Carril. Reprinted with fierce meow handsome old quarrels. Falling in love with the cute girl on the block waiting eagerly guilty in teen sex, hidden in the shadows, among water tanks from the roofs. Living overwhelmingly minute to finish the adventure clock sitting at the old chapel.
Guided by an exuberant excitement, I jumped to an eave. I landed with the instinct to balance the weight on the tail. I looked at the geography of the tiles by spreading grayish moon, like a mysterious jungle that I called the movement, and I sank that night in search of the white cat, to make it into my lap and have her there for two hours, or even more, if anything she would rather die for love rather than return to old age.

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I submitted to a contest five micro-stories. Since nothing in the rules prevents me, the audience here.


INTAKE
Both sucked the long spaghetti, he's one end and it's another. And emptied the plate, and tightened the rope and left lip to lip. They looked for a moment, and as a fish that sucks its prey beneath the sea, she did slup!, And licked slowly.


KISS Solo
her I fell in love. Sitting in front of their juice, under the umbrella, shone like a jewel on the urban background. I sat at his table and said something. She replied with embarrassment and looked down. I put my face and eyes spoke. In an oversight, I spied the lips. I went further and kissed her, first gently, then with passion and then with horror, I felt, thin bifida, unrolling his tongue inside my mouth.


APPOINTMENT
Despite the heavy barrage of criticism, the man said his speech was sworn in as Minister of Education, the President hugged, sat down across the width Book of Records, grabbed a gold pen monkey holding a banana and carefully and slowly drew a cross. Constipated


RESIGN
It was one hundred ninety-seven days that Hayden was no body. Drank yogurt with bacteria, diet changed seven times, took purging and laxatives, proved yuyito of Andean shamans, ingested prescription drugs and went to the church of the Virgin desatanudos. Finally sold the toilet.



THE DREAM I dreamed that the surgeon gave me for dead on a Wednesday at 14:07. I dreamed that I got in a shiny box and I watched all the relatives. I dreamed that sealed the box and dug into the moist soil, in the bowels of a dark pit. I dreamed that covered themselves with earth and men in gray overalls planted a garden on the ground compaction my grave. And finally, I dreamed I woke up.

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" Here in Hell, the name of my father is a bad word. I have forbidden them to pronounce it. I myself even remember what my father. From that foundational disagreement in the early history of the myths, he and I are like water and oil is the nature of the soul that defines whether there will be sinking into the abyss or float forever in that sky oily . Thus, in order not to mention his name, my life will skip the beginning of the story. Sufficient to know that I am a long time and, I believe, will exist forever, because even though nothing has proven that I may be immortal, the craziest that I have been prophesied is a little ancient house arrest . "


This paragraph is as absurd as naive, Federico de la Riera started his epic novel Autobiography of Evil , which dilates in the narrative cliches referring to Satan the catechism, structured by a series of great battles in which the devil gets the victory, sandwiched in a mass of absurd and mundane descriptions, including the need to have two boilers to hell order to keep burning people in the second when the first breaks. And all this writing
five hundred and seventeen pages of cumbersome style that dispenses with the full stops and wanders relentlessly writing in each of the ten or twelve ingenious ideas it contains.
A Novel by other forgettable if not for its tragic consequences.
When you write a story in first person, there's always some idiot who interprets the play tells the facts, feelings and real thoughts of the author. In this group, more enlightened idiots argue that while the story is fiction, reveals deep aspects of the psychology of the reporter, so if the author writes the story of a patricide in first person, the idiot illustrated sustain the thesis of a Desencontro relationship between the author and the author's father. But the most dangerous fundamentalists are idiots, and between religious fundamentalists. A Riera
ambushed him in El Palomar, on the corner of Pedriel and Caferata, on Monday at five o'clock in the afternoon, two months after the publication of his novel. There, four boys on a bicycle, hooded Franciscan and did many Christian crosses out of the car shouting " vade retro!" And, once proven the ineffectiveness of holy water, they killed him in the chest by driving a stake wood with Hebrew inscriptions. Were caught a few blocks away, trying to enter the Church of Garden City.
Subsequent investigations have revealed that it was a very small ultra-Catholic sect, made up of seven former students of Sacred Heart College and a priest excommunicated.
The motive was established on the basis of testimony of witnesses who claimed to have seen the offenders leave visibly moved by the cry of
- We kill the devil! We killed the devil!
still unknown identity who provided the murder weapon. Translated into Castilian, the inscription on the wooden stake simply said "Made in Israel." And given the limited
literary quality of the work, if there is no heaven and hell, also known whereabouts of Francisco de la Riera.

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Autobiography of Evil Tester





Roberto
"Look, how cute pants.
Liliana and I were walking in the newly opened Shopping cute. I always hated shopping. The mall is for me the film and the food court. And everything else, just waiting for film and food, and breaks to smoke in open courtyards.
But for women, these rags that thrive behind the glasses have a different sense, a mysterious meaning. The clothes are for them as food: once you eat, you can not return to eat again and you have to buy more. As one repetition maximum allowed, analogous to the leftovers of the night. Then digested wardrobe, immersed in the perpetual state of imminent eruption, conjured by the accumulation of old new clothes, crammed into your large intestine. "You need pants
insisted Liliana. Saturday is the meeting at the home of your uncles and I will not go like a beggar.
Worse to go wipe the windows behind others, is to go towards the cloth itself. Once the process hassle of choosing the candidate-consistent pledge to give at least one full turn to Shopping, "continues the demeaning and uncomfortable test procedure.
"Not today," I ventured without much hope. Knew that would buy clothes and not I showered.
She turned and looked at me surprised, as if to say "how did not think what I thought?"
- And if not now, when? He asked.
There was no rational way to hold the coveted "never." However
insisted "Not sure what I mean post. I think they're bored.
Weak, very weak.
-I see you clean and fragrant, tester and within the means nobody will.
A hour and a half beaten to the line advanced testers a huge tent, behind a seller effeminate it shaking in tight jeans with her hair short, artificially earring white and nostril.
"I'll try and tell me how you left right? "He said reaching out his pants. I stay in and near here you call me.
I entered the dressing room in the garment hanging from the forearm. It was a nice cubicle with a bench, a large mirror at the back and various hangers on the wall. A very tall, heavy curtain isolated him from outside. The height of the curtain gave greater breadth, but in fact, was not more than one meter by one meter.
The first problem arose when I tried to close the curtain. The rod was about twelve feet tall and rather than pulling the curtain closed, the rings could not be shifted up there. Finally I got on the bench for the curtain to move closer to the rings and so I could close a little. However, I could not solve a huge chink of more than six inches that left me exposed to the world, with my smell and my socks with holes. After a certain feeling of helplessness before the problem, I managed to hook the curtain that opened a crack in the veneer of the divider panel.
I quickly took off my shoes and pants. Indeed, the left middle had a hole on the thumb. I stood before the mirror. The mirrors of the testers are under one display as it is, in all his humanity, but over time, that virtue is transformed into a defect. I was old and fat. The elastic of the underpants disappeared behind the folds that formed the main roll around my stomach and profuse wrinkles are piled at the end of the trigeminal nerve, just above the knee. I could also see that every thumbnail left for the condemned hole average. And I saw, to my horror and shame, that a very small boy crawling seeped beneath the curtain.
The devil walked to the middle of the room briefly and looked up. Nothing more grotesque for a very young child being alone with the hairy legs of a stranger in his sixties who looks in his underwear with the face of terror. The child made a gesture the absolute amazement and burst into tears. And in a moment with horror deduced the following scene: behind the cry of a young child there is always a young woman who will look for heaven and earth and has not stopped the mere shade of a tester.
- Nahuel! Where have you been son? "Said the weeping mother. And he went to the tester.
know I looked at the hole in the middle and bottom is that my bundle spied charred, hidden under his shirt. Stood up and smelled the child.
- Again, Nahuel! "He said. And to my surprise, came into the hall and shouted
"Mother, get me the bag I should change it again.
Then, as he enters the bakery, he entered a woman who just passed fifty with a green floral bag. I looked into his eyes sideways and went down to view entire route, stopping at the hole in the media. I felt as if lightning frightening me through the body. Then wrinkled her nose and turned away. Mother and daughter
appropriated the bench and began to change the child on brand pants.
Then, the seller told me from the hallway
- How have you been?
"I have a problem here," I said in obvious allusion to the intruders.
The boy happily opened the curtain with a broad gesture that left me less miserable cloth above the crowd as he journeyed down the hall. Looked at the boy and said
- Ay! That goldito cute! Did you poop on goldito milestone?
exchanged smiles with her mother and grandmother and ignoring me completely, leaving the curtain went loose.
"Ma'am, could go the other way to change the baby right? "I protested.
-All testers are busy. And, Nahuel chose this. Hold, "she said.
held the wet and soft object to notice that was served diaper himself, absorbed in "the goldito poop." The pulled immediately below the bench.
- Aj! That ugly, lady! Grandma looked
my crotch and said
"The pot calling the kettle died.
Immediately afterwards, a very busy girl entered the fitting room and without even looking at us crashed into the divider panel and started to peer out through the crack of the curtain. Not count more than seventeen years. His hair was lank and greasy, short, black and shaggy, black lipstick and mascara absolute blackness, two silver piercings in one eyebrow and lower lip. She wore a black leather vest, a black miniskirt, black military boots and a silver bracelet on leg, links wide, set in the middle of the calf. Two cablecito out of their ears and were lost in a vest pocket barullito hissing spitting a style AC / DC. Suddenly left the surveillance, he pushed me and stood behind me, attached to the mirror, with a mixture of fear and excitement in his face, still panting.
He then joined his companion. It was a sort of hybrid human gorilla. No more than the feet nine, but so would have to measure your back. Her whole body exuded hours and hours of free time in the gym. His head was shaved and two wrinkles in the neck that appeared and disappeared as he shook his head. His face was angular and primitive: high cheekbones, slanted eyes, thin eyebrows. A monkey. Muscular tight shorts and wide.
I moved with his forearm as if I too was a curtain and slipped behind me, crushing the girl against the dark mirror. They began to insult with vulgar words too.
"Please, there are creatures," the grandmother of "poop goldito that milestone."
was ignored.
At that point, it was clear that I did not prove his pants, so I managed to rescue my old jean pinching the crowd with calzármelo and readiness to flee.
But it was not possible because at the time he made his entry into the tester a very Fat perfect outfit, face stern and central baldness coming looking at the floor, with a cell phone in the ear.
- Let's see now ... Now I'm listening. Do you hear me? Well. Here yes. Here's a good sign.
and posted in front of the mother and daughter, crushing them slightly against the background.
- I told the fat man said, if the star is massive enough, up to ten solar masses, then its gravity squeezes protons crowding, enabling the combustion of hydrogen into helium, as is the case of our Sun is
interrupted to better accommodate your pasty body, which was embedded in the stomach of the grandmother.
"Excuse me ma'am," he said with respect.
"No problem" she said with a smile and a blush which showed a preference to die crushed by a big cult, before dying of old.
As this happened, a sudden movements were behind me. I looked at the floor and noticed that the boxer shorts and the ape-man had made an accordion, shriveled up to his ankles. I turned my head as I could and I was stunned. The dark girl had ridden back hugging his legs and he was addressing the mirror. He said the girl dark curses and panting and whimpering.
- Fill me! Fill me! "She said. And he added, more specifically how I filled it all!
Meanwhile, since the hall began to arrive in the English language half the cry of a hawker of candy and ham and cheese sandwiches. "I have given
hungry," said the mother of "goldito" -. And surely Nahuel must also be hungry. To see if this guy has some rich cookie that the child can eat.
And to me, he said.
- Do not call me boy, you are near the aisle?
I should have said I was crazy. I should have said that they were all crazy. Please
- "He added. And he took my arm with her soft little hand, almost making me a touch, as I looked irresistible tenderness, sitting on the bench, with the child in her arms, as if the statue of a goddess of fertility, causing the man the product of his lust made sweetness in her lap, a goddess who now looked at me and begged me was all mine on that appeal.
I should say they were all crazy, but cracked open the curtain and called the boy. Damn women.
The boy was a dark, indeed Africa, who spoke little English. Around the neck with a thick belt, carrying a kind of display wooden steps starting at the level chest and ended below the pelvis, emplacement forward, left and right, usurping the space obscenely.
The seller of sweets income situation became critical in the tester. No one felt the butt of squeezed against my grandmother, also felt his flaccid meat calarme recess. His right leg dark girl under my armpit and everything else was the physical physical, suffocating with immeasurable abdomen, which was taking the shape of any voids. As they moved the candy seller, the ape-man deepened his performance, the grandmother he embraced the physical and squeezed the phone against his ear as if to avoid disturbing.
's mother had already bought two sandwiches and was now looking for a cookie to "goldito" make more poop. In its rearward relax, but without leaving the saddle, the dark girl asked for some cool drink.
"Yes. Having to drink, "said the dark and peered into the hallway.
- Germain! "He called. Ven. Here customers to drink fresh.
Germain was a tall, blond, tanned and very handsome. He approached the tester followed by an entourage of teenage girls dressed in school uniform, wielding a drink excuse to get close to Adonis. And he went
the blonde with styrofoam coolers full of drinks. The physicist had to crouch a bit so that the boy progressed little more than walking on his abdomen. I felt the pressure throughout the body, manifesting with peaks of intensity here and there. In search of living space, I was crouching and my left ear was glued to the ape-man's shoulder, while the rest of my body lay flat against your back, legs curled up chaotically with the girl's dark. Crouched the fat, the most prominent portion of his stomach squeezing my pelvis with a uniform and compressive pressure against the legs of the monkey, locked and stiff in his posture of intercourse. At a time I thought my testicles were still in two pieces just because of the Pauli exclusion principle.
- Got Beer? He asked the girl without ever getting off the ape-man. The Adonis stirred
coolers and snapped a brand of lager.
- Okay, "said the dark girl.
I felt the opening snap of the can and some ice cold beer dripping on my back. Behind
Adonis began to enter the girls schoolgirls tester. There were six or seven. I could not see, but I felt her giggle and scatter through the holes intersect a skinny leg between mine. Some said
"Sir, you a hole in her stocking.
"Yes," said the grandmother and the smell of wild goat is no longer supported.
"We have to shower more often, Uncle," he said the ape-man, still come and go.
schoolgirls giggling erupted in some of them while digging the hole in my stocking with her skinny finger. I felt a great shame. After all did not want to buy pants today. Reason why he had agreed doomed? I was not guilty of the situation. He had made it clear from the outset: "I have not showered," I have a hole in the media. " But no, you have to buy the pants today, if not today will never, you can not go to the meeting of your family like a beggar, if you like a beggar, what think of me?. And you accessed and undressed in a fitting public, aware of their smells and holes. And now, when the public demanded, was not to defend her position.
"Once all the hydrogen is consumed, the physical voice was muffled the reaction stops and the internal pressure weakens again allowing gravity to win the battle and further compress the star. When the gravitational pressure reaches its critical value, the helium burning begins.

Al tester People kept coming. Came and came. They came wielding a finite part of the infinite number of reasons that could have an individual to enter a fitting room is busy. Variegated reasons, some worthy of consideration; ridiculous, the majority. And many came for no reason. I lost count the two hundred and seventeen, when we began to transform into a mass of flesh and bones interspersed distorted by the struggle of space, twisted like a coven of spiders in a bun hugging unintelligible. Stretched. Intertwined. Was the physical, recounting the birth of the neutron star, with mobile phone made a thin film, copying the intricacies of your ear. And there The girl was completely dark and devouring the ape-man, who had broken his pelvis back while fully disappeared into the girl, and there were the schoolgirls, crossed like toothpicks on the floor. And the coolers of Adonis had been pulverized and one by one, all the bottles had imploded. And because the veins were a confused mass, as traces of a multicolored marble cake, writhing in psychedelic variations, always set the strict geometry of the parallelepiped.
And with the merger of the bodies, I began to feel the other souls. Feelings were like sparks of alien invading my head: I felt the sensation to penetrate the dark girl, but also of being penetrated by the ape-man, I found myself calculating the schedule of my days, female, I asked if the spin of the testicles would be half-integer, I worried about the timing of the Nahuel milk; I was urinating like a little girl in front of the naked Adonis and Adonis felt surrounded be innumerable lust. Then I realized that they were merging consciences, that the minds of others and were inside the mine and soon I would be in other minds. And the others would know my lies, you will know my tricks, all my meanness, hidden my habits, my primitive instincts, fears and my own stupidity. And also the hole in the middle was this unseemly stain on the inside of my slip.
I felt terror. "I tasted
pants, Roberto," said Liliana from the hallway.
not answered. I was terrified by the idea of \u200b\u200btranscending to the minds of others, and absolutely open, helpless, helpless exposed to the consideration of anyone. I felt I was dying of shame. Is it possible? I thought not. I wanted that. Pleaded not.
Liliana came to the tester. Was quickly absorbed by the dense mass that we were, forming a oval upholstered us all and began to deform inward in a million shins while winning the pores remained.

I heard her say "You were right Bob, you have a little smell of perspiration.
Then, confirming my worst fears, I heard someone's voice from the bottom answer:
- and I shit, Liliana, I told you!

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The Wake of Maria Elena

Max answered the phone Manducci
-Funeral Manducci, good morning.
Across the line, a broken voice pronounced.
"Good morning. Call to hire a funeral service.
"I understand. Tell me when he died the deceased?
"Maria Elena died this morning, but ..." In God rest
-sandwiched Manducci to trade.
"But ... I also wanted to know if you perform services for pets.
three seconds it took the dealer's body to understand that there would be a good slice.
"Of course, of course, invented. We have performed services for dogs, cats and even a parrot, poor thing. The rate is slightly higher for the costs of setting you understand? But the service can be performed perfectly. What race was the animal?
-Aberdeen Angus.
- Pardon?
-Aberdeen Angus. Maria Elena was our cow.
After the last sentence, the debt was a lump in the throat and Manducci, one in the brain. But the man was quick to untangle knots when it is immersed in a long screed compelling commercial, always with the care of inserting a great deal of sympathy between the numbers and rates.

Barrientos Teodoro Elisa Linares and formed a mature marriage. They had two daughters, a son and thirteen grandchildren. For some years, his fourth son, Emmanuel, the only one still single, had died in a car accident, driving a deadly dagger in marriage parent.
But lo! Emmanuel had a cow.
The rest of the story is clear: Parents honored for her missing son taking over the care of cattle. Over time, the animal was filling the spaces affective Emmanuel had left empty. Then the stories of Maria Elena began to count for the whole family. The cow was very clever, asked for more hay with a rolled her ears, roared when visitors came to the house, he had learned what exact site of the park was defecating and said that giving kicks to the ground, was able to count to six, and even up to seven.
Maria Elena was the darling of the toy thirteen grandchildren, whom rode like a horse and I pulled the tail without the poor animal never attacked them. Augustine was the most attached to her and after much struggle, had succeeded his father bought him a calf which he named Huey. But Huey was not like Maria Elena. Not learn even the most simple. On rainy days it was common that sits in the dining room under the table, and if there called nature, there will respond with overwhelming response. The park was a disaster because Huey green leaf used to browse much dared to be born in the garden, including some time, a Western Railway jersey the wind had come off the clothesline.


Maria Elena was the reason of life of Theodore and Eliza, and all domestic dialogues invariably results in the account of the things he did Maria Elena. Both the large family
marriage as their friends and neighbors were aware of the situation and greeted with joy the way the cow had helped these people cope with the death of his son. María Elena So not only was a cow of his house cow was also popular. And anyone who knew the story could surprise you that want to watch.

Around three in the afternoon, a truck brought the body to the livery stable. Hazy and the bereaved, she was discharged with a forklift and left lying on the floor. Manducci
instructed
their people-This is the largest crate we'll put it right here, "he said.
Argañaraz, the oldest employee of the house, and also responsible for preparing the body for display, scratched his head doubtfully gesture and expressed his qualms with simplicity.
"It will not go, Don Manducci. This box is for a fat man, and this is a cow. And it's not the same thing: instead of going down, legs out to the side. "Come
Argaña" said the businessman's coffin, you know like this work. The families just want to see her face, and a bundle resembling a body under the blankets. Break off until it fits. That said
left.

Around four in the afternoon we opened the doors of the room. The card read simply "Maria Elena, Room 1." Began to arrive immediately summoned. Elisa and Theodore, the former. Teodoro
marched to the office because we had to figure out where you bury the body.
"The problem, Mr. Linares, is that cemeteries are only human.
"Maria Elena was more than one person, brought Theodore as if the argument were to be used for something.
"Of course it was, but the cemetery has a regulation regarding the body where the person was involved. They do not bury people buried bodies Do I understand? And now that Maria Elena is no longer with us, what remains is the body of a cow. Theodore insisted
and pounded until medium of exchange, Manducci leave a door open.
"Maybe we can talk to someone to make things easier in exchange for some" attention currency "Do you understand? I could give it a try if you authorize me to handle this variable.
"Of course they authorize. Do whatever you have to do. Maria Elena is buried in a cemetery, "he said.

Meanwhile Elisa, the first inhabitants of the room, he went straight to the mortuary to see Mary Elena in her final resting place. Argañaráz
had done a good job. The coffin was wide and deep, but well proportioned. It had a domed profile and a streak of myrtle as bright as the glass. At its periphery were prepared twelve carved brass handles and polished to dazzling, five on each side, one front and one behind. Inside the coffin was the cow. His whole body was hidden under a blanket very white with gold embroidery, finished the top with a detail of sheer chiffon and tulle. Emerging among the reeds, and plunged into a sweet dream of heaven, Mary's head surfaced Elena leaning to the right, with the peace of a little boy stayed frozen in face, and then a stretch of front leg sticking out at the height of the snout, with its pristine and glowing hoof, arranged almost in a fetal position. On the blanket, covering the body lengthwise, surmounted a red rose drenched in dew. Manducci had not dared to hang a rosary. Of the other legs, nothing was known, but it was sure no one would ask for them.
"Looks like a little angel Elisa muttered in a tone of prayer, and burst into tears. And crying in the cow, in the depths of his soul, was crying to Emmanuel.
The room was quite spacious and cozy row of couches and chairs were available against the walls. At the bottom there was a wall with an archway to the left that gave way to the mortuary. The wall was decorated with volcanic slabs and a cascade of water ran through permanently, tumbling over a huge flower bed packed with ferns and begonias. Since hanging up a cordatum guides olive green cloth across the space to stand on the mat of ferns.
One by one they arrived the Linares, the Barrientos and a host of neighbors and acquaintances. Each group that came gave his condolences to Elisa and Theodore and made a comment such as "when they are so better go fast, poor things" or the trite "is the law of life", or worse. Then greeting the known and fairly well known, began crossing between relatives intergenealógicos almost unknown, channeled provided by a third party, both familiar and known.
"I remember Uncle Edward, the cousin of your father. Well, he is the grandson, Paul, your second cousin, or third, "said the relative channeler.
"Oh yes. You were a little boy who always had a cap with a visor, sometimes remember seeing you at Uncle Edward, "said the first family member.
"Yes, now I've removed the cap, but the hair I have left alone, look," responded the second parent when the time showed how ruthless had become bald on his head.
The problem occurred when someone came largely unknown and no one approached to say hello. Among them, about three hours of condolence and sandwiches de miga entered an octogenarian woman holding a big boy and some parallel.
-The billboard read, "Maria Elena" said the old woman. I do not remember exactly, but I think Peter's sister was named Maria Elena.
- Are you sure that this is Grandma? I do not see anyone I knew.
"It must be here, but I do not see Pedro anywhere.
After a few minutes of hesitation, she decided to ask. "Sorry
Is this the boy's wake María Elena? Yes
grandmother is here.
"You saw Reuben, is here," said the big man reproachfully as the boy tried to understand what it would have served the question.
- Let's go to the mortuary there must be Peter.
While leaving, very slowly, the old woman spoke to feel less alone among so many unfamiliar faces
"Look how beautiful crowns," he said. We did not bring or a flower.
And he read aloud the names of the bands that crossed the dough floral
- "Los Linares", "Los Barrientos" Who will? "He thought. "Your neighbors", "your masters" Ah, that bad taste. Finally
old stone statue was in front of the cow in the drawer. Her gaze was frozen as a glass, in a gesture of looking to the Devil. He put a hand on his chest and crossed to the other. With absolute incredulity spied the sorrowful face of the other and back at the cow. Then looked down at the floor without changing expression.
"Let Reuben. Here it is, "he said while watching the ground carefully.
He turned and walked away quickie, shuffling, and without looking at anyone. He left the sidewalk and turned left. Averaging the block reflected.
"How has all changed.

A good while later, everyone present turned to see enter Jorgito Augustine with her calf.
-stressed bring, "said the father. And I thought that after all, in the wake of a cow, a calf would not have to clash. Huey
impressed those present during the first five minutes, then lost in the crowd already crowded room.
The children of Theodore and Eliza took the opportunity to catch up each other's lives because the urban evolution kept away, each on its own, and not met since Christmas. Between talk and talk, were fixing dinner for after the funeral, taking a little further to distract their parents and away from the trouble.
Meanwhile, Huey had managed to claw their way to the planter and parsimony was eating ferns, begonias and cordatum. Manducci appeared from nowhere to stop the mess.
-service We have a pasture for livestock in the backyard of the premises, "said the father of Augustine. If I could drive there the animal, which will no doubt be more comfortable. And with that, Huey took to the funds and threw in a little courtyard ten coffins of five crammed dilapidated, broken chairs and tall weeds.
In the hall, a group of old it was thanks to Melissa, the youngest of the grandchildren of Linares.
"That pretty, so seriecita" said one.
"And well it carries, has not cried all afternoon," said another.
-Si-he said the mother, is a rare drink. When expressed is to express something that could not possibly know. One day, while walking through the middle, stretched with two hands to the window of a gaming agency. We get closer and the girl began to laugh out loud while pointing to a National Lottery ticket. We never played, but still recorded the number. Would you believe that out the next day? Matched all five digits the unfortunate.
"Ah, my dear friend," said Manducci, who was listening sideways. You should know that if a child points out a number, you have to buy it immediately.
"Yes," replied the mother, but not just with numbers. Listen to this: We had a very good babysitter, girl, studying to become a kindergarten teacher and treated him like a stuffed doll. But every time he approached Melissa, the girl rejected her with kicks and slaps. Finally we discovered that we were stealing clothes out of the drink. And as that story many others. Melina Sometimes it scares me. "But
a beautiful, "he said Manducci drink. Allow me to lift it a little.
The employer raised the child, she looked at him seriously and began to push. Gave a few kicks in the air accompanied by a spasmodic abdominal movements then began to expel a foul smell.
"I think you need a diaper change," said the man with a deformed smile in disgust. She is the mother returned and took off from there.

eight o'clock of the night showed up two employees of the mortuary house, dressed in tight black tuxedo. One of them asked the families and friends to leave the room, it was time to start preparing the coffin to initiate courtship.
inconsolable crying face of Theodore and of all women, the lid of the coffin was laid in place, forever taking the earthly image of Maria Elena.
sooner had vacated the place, closed the door of the arcade and the box moved to a garage where a waiting refrigerated transport parked butt. Manducci had a word with the driver and provided guidance to its staff. The men removed the blanket may be embroidered to the front leg with the muzzle sticking out was really loose, completely detached from the body, which, in short, had maimed the four legs and tail. Cow pulled from the drawer and climbed laboriously to refrigerated truck, in which ten or twelve and hanging carcasses. Another employee added a bag with the missing parts. The car locked the doors and left. Then
drawer filled with sand and screw the lid tightly. Return the mortuary drawer and opened the door of the archway leading into the room.
employee who officiated as master of ceremonies asked twelve male relatives to carry the coffin to the hearse, which was waiting on the sidewalk. Then twelve knights presented themselves to the task. What a miserable plight. Manducci had miscalculated the load of sand and the box had an excessive weight. The volunteers had to hold the handles with both hands to move the coffin. One way sloppy and rushed the Dirty Dozen load dragged out, trampling old and young children, and heavily deposited in the hearse with great sound of a collision. Finally
started the procession. Later the vehicle was portacoronas full of flowers, followed the hearse. Further back, three escort cars in black, carrying the first marriage Linares and the other two families with daughters. Progressed behind the truck's father Augustine, with the whole family piled into the booth and Huey terrified in the box. Back, following the calf, marched everyone else.
The entourage of about twenty cars in total, inched to honoring sandbox, crossing streets and avenues, causing traffic chaos. He went first to the residence of Linares, where the cow had lived his happiest days. She stood there a few seconds, that Huey took to low and defecate on the bed of the truck and continued their march to the cemetery.
were admitted by a side door about ten o'clock at night. Schedule was not used for burials, but it was the tour of duty of the officer had been bribed. They walked in the darkness of the grave and the ghostly glow of souls and parked in front of a large cubic building.
I take notice of unusual weight of the coffin, arranged a table with wheels and moved it to the niche.
The tomb was a rectangular hole in a wall provided plagued distributed marble tombstones form a huge grid, which was lost in the depths of the hall. From time to time, some flower oblivion designated scorched more effectively than its absence, showing only the absence of the cult of the dead, their implacable inconstancy.
All persons descended from the vehicles and piled in the hallway, on the edge of the box.
Soon came a Bible and rosary priest. Stood to one side of the grave and began his final speech. He spoke slowly with a metallic and monotonous voice inviting a nap most to tears. He spoke of the immortal soul, of heaven, the resurrection of souls and a subject in a chair, the right hand of God. Part of the audience wept without listening to the imminent culmination time, another part yawning surreptitiously and a few followed the thread with puzzled faces. When the sermon and averaged fifteen minutes, an aide approached the priest and said something to him. The priest looked upset and protested quietly.
- A cow? How does a cow?!
improvised a last sentence, crossed himself to the drawer Sandy, crossed himself, said amen, took two steps back, he took both her hands in front, turned his head toward the close friend and an embarrassment that all drawn on the forehead, whispered inquiring again.
- A cow?

cemetery staff pushed to the bottom drawer of the rectangular cavity and covered the grave with a marble ceremonially screwed to the wall.
Attendees began evacuating the hall with countless acts of comfort to the nearest relatives, who wept inconsolably. Before you get into cars, Linares, parents and children were in the alley round the tombs that surrounded and finalized details go to dinner. Someone suggested a bar outside, against the collector of the Autopista del Oeste. Returned to the funeral home to remove the cars and marched towards the canteen.
parked at 45 degrees from the restaurant and fell forward with a window that showed some excellent ribs roasting on an iron cross.
-long has it as roast beef, "said Elisa.
staff quickly arranged the tables next to each other forming a long feast around which sat the four families with all children. Unanimously decided to order different cuts of steak, ribs, flank steak vacuum and then sausage, black pudding, intestines, kidney lemon and gizzard. To accompany fittings ordered different salads, rice timbales and fries. The great red wine would take home and children soda and water.
few minutes later came the owner of the bar and offered to release Jorgito to paste in the gardens that surrounded the place, not so much generosity as for convenience. There could be no better advertisement for the freshness of the roast live calf grazing in the park. Soon they brought
ordered, arranged in three tabletop grill, with coals and hot dishes. Next meeting is encouraged. The older children served and everyone ate beef until they burst.
"The beef must be accompanied with red wine Theodore taught that alcohol and degreased, clean arteries.
After a while eating, the kids got bored and started to lie with the rib bones, in the glare of their parents who were more afraid that people's eyes to the excesses of their children. For its part, the eldest son of Theodore had drunk too much, speaking by shouting obscenities and kill with laughter. Elisa, whom he loosened the risorius alcohol, accompanied his son in the laughter and they infect the rest.
At one point, Theodore stood up at the top of the long table and gesturing with his fork lashing on a piece of flank steak, said.
"I propose a moment of silence in honor of our beloved and recently deceased María Elena.
There was silence at the long table, under a background of tinkling whisper dishes and some irreverent, all processed the death of two cows, one with the soul, the other with the belly. And no one even suspected that under Manducci trap, to the same cow could be separated in their minds as "food" on one side and Maria Elena on the other, rest in peace. Clear that the probability was very low and that if that were the case, eventually nobody would know. Or maybe, because there, ignored on his mother's lap, averaging a minute of silence, Melina little hands pulled forward, grabbed a piece of meat, brought it to his mouth, then pulled it out, looked at him, noted with astonishment the faces of all present, their lungs inflated to saturation, closed his eyes, grimaced pain and burst into loud weeping, disconsolate, annoying.

What To Write In Welcome Card

of the father's and mother's

Taniaguper

Image courtesy of

http://taniaguper.blogspot.com/
Curiosa is the story of my father. And it is from the day of his birth, when the obstetrician I cut the cord, the child slipped from the hands of the nurse and shot up to be stuck with the butt against the ceiling, crying from there, with that strident casters express the pain of migration to the body of ethereal soul human.
And the doctor will have been stiff, with the lower jaw hanging from the skull, eyes clenched up, looking at the baby lying on the ceiling, and muttering something like "Houston, we have a problem."
My grandmother said it well.
"It's a beautiful boy, weighs three hundred kilos, measures forty to seven centimeters and falls upwards.
- How says Doctor?
"That weighs three hundred kilos and measures forty to seven centimeters.
-Ah. And he falls
up.
- Huh?
My grandmother would have looked confused and the doctor explained the situation.
"Imagine," he said, "that we have a baby in her arms and let go What happened?
"And we fall to the ground," said my grandmother.
"Well, it's falling on the roof.

is amazing how a situation easily explained as manifested, however, an innumerable number of annoying little details, from simply stay in the cradle to the process of change diaper. And so, early childhood my father was a discourse of belts and ties and hang like a balloon from a string. And as my grandparents were untying the knot variegated and discovered ways and means, the life of my father's child was also unleashed.
The first discovery was made by the nurse, who discovered it was better diaper resting it on the bottom of the table top, face down, under our system of coordinates and face up under him.
The next day they turned the cradle and is bolted to the ceiling. There would be strapped, would be sufficient to tie the mattress to stretch and fasten to the mattress after a sort of bag sleep. The pillow was sewn to the blanket and a pacifier was tied to the bars.
was common to see my grandparents sitting in the room, staring at the ceiling until the pacifier was apparent from the lips numb from my father, and was hanging down pendulum.
- There are asleep! "Said my grandmother saying the pacifier.
"If he fell asleep. Already-confirmed my grandfather slept while they stood without knowing why.

For some unknown reason, my father had invested pregnancy. Just the top was our down and down our top. But, predictably, no clothing or biological secretions retained this property. His hair was long and pike, and it was fun to watch when it is cut. The above hair hung to the ceiling until the very moment you were sectioned, then fell to the floor, covering the space of the room like a shower of pins.
The little seasoned observer might assume that the man who usually fall upward, could lead a perfectly normal life just riding their habitat with the roof and floor, investing all objects. No sir. You can not. If you invest the toilet, for example, desagraciadamente empty, and gives headache to imagine their use. Inverted cup can not hold water, nor can place objects on a inverted table.
The essence of the matter was that only my father had the problem, the rest of the objects. So, while it was essential to reverse the chair or bed, which only supported it to him, could not be reversed or the table or cups or kitchen. Imagine the situation that the poor live. Suppose you suddenly everything started to fall out upwards, with the exception of fire, which amounts down. This was the life of my father, there on the roof.

Fortunately, as suffering evil from birth, had learned from childhood to adapt their movements to this particular situation, and it was amazing to see the skill with which drank a glass of water, for example, holding as you would like either, but with the opening facing down, place the rim on the upper lip and lowering it slowly, breaking the wrist forward, as the fluid will not touch the palate calaba language, until it crashed into ridge opposite the pear. For him, all objects are supported from the bottom up on what in his world were tables, shelves and tables reversed, as it had to cancel the puncture of things to fall into its top, which was the floor.
After a while he discovered that lunch was better to use glass table and clear dishes. Then sat at the table as you would a normal subject, but there in the roof, the plate under the glass surface, leaning toward her up, pointing her down, with his steak, the fried egg and mash. Then his hands slipped away under the table and cut there pushing up the dish with knife and fork, while watching what he did from the other side of the glass. My grandmother was always curious to see from below as he ate and drank, displaying the battery of strange movements with the same ease with which one dresses and undresses. By the way, dressing and undressing was not the same for him. How would you feel if I should put on some pants that emphasize fall upward? The leaned over the bed, lifted her legs and shoes. All pants have elastic at the botamangas, of course. Every now and then he dropped a shoe. But the falling object was a real complication. As the floor was the ceiling, every time he dropped something was going to pick it up the stairs.
very complicated matters of the toilet, and I apologize for insisting the issue. In your bathroom, both the toilet and bidet were placed in normal position, it was for him as if to you were upside down, because it was necessary that things fall to the toilet, because water could only be towards the bottom of the world. Then both devices had been placed at the end of a column that climbed to the roof and ended about two feet of it. There, between the ceiling and the toilet, my father knelt as a Muslim facing Mecca, with a comic on the roof leaning against her face, and expelling the remaining digested lunch while reading for long minutes. To urinate was sleeping directly on the roof, off the toilet.
As it grew, the separation between the toilet and the ceiling was becoming exigua and my grandmother told my grandfather
- That's great, Honorato. We'll have to turn down the columns.


My father went out very little. The outside world was for him a place fraught with dangers. The sky was a huge hole that stretched in all directions, a well with depth of the Universe.
At age twelve, his uncle Peter, brother of my grandmother gave him a pair of massive lead. The pair weighed about five kilos more than my father, so that when putting on shoes, they moved him to the floor and left in normal position, equal to that of other mortals. Then my father went for a walk with his mother, hanging shoes, walking a few steps away strangers who never went unnoticed. And as we grew, we were adding lead sheet to the soles to keep the five kilos of excess.

In his world, inventing games associated with this weigh it to one side and things for the other. He had managed to bring him a large anvil with a handle lying on the floor of his room. The anvil weighed a little less than him, so he could hang of it and climb up to perch on the roof. But then, added weight to the belt tying a bag of things and managed to dragged down by the anvil, and ballast to be hung from the anvil rested gently on the floor. In that game, had found a way to leverage your weight to the ballast anvil using a bag of sugar that was getting rid of a bit to be floating in the middle of the room, then walked side by side, kicking against the wall, until your arms can no longer be with the anvil. When he could no longer bear it, let go both falling heavily, each floor and the other to the ceiling.

My grandparents had a good pass and from the beginning realized that her son never intended to avail itself. When my father was twenty years old, gave him a house built for him, with all its strange comforts. To solve this, he spent one month off, which allowed him to send food and make clothes. In those days also came Mariela, a young woman who would be responsible for household chores. Mariela
proved to be a great housekeeper and quickly became accustomed the strange architecture of the house. It was amazing how agile it moved through the rooms, not head the table or chairs, without ever stepping on the lights. He had acquired great skill to extend the bed upside down and clean the entire living space, the ceiling, without ever falling off the ladder. Mariela
had a personality change slightly bipolar mood which seemed not to obey or moisture or menses or specific events. When he was good, it was funny and used to joke with my father constantly. When I was bad or looked at him and instead of talking, barking monosyllables.
But even head up one and head down the other, one was male and the other was women, and both were young and fertile, and the things that could happen, finally happened.
was one of the good days of Mariela. Joke that goes, smile that comes from here tickle, carcajadita there, my father bent down a bit and gave him a sweet kiss of mouths reversed. She said holding her head with both hands and increasing the pressure and passion. Quickly found ways to embrace the whole body, which was not easy. Provided found a way across, it down, staring at the ceiling and she on him, staring at the floor. They hugged tightly and trying not to spin in the air, climbed slowly because my father was heavier. The game liked it, broke loose and undressed each on its soil, Mariela on the floor, my father in the ceiling. Plotting the madness, my father tied the ballast bag waist.
were re-embrace, now naked, crushed it between my father and ceiling. Then my father began to fill the bag of things and already refined sugar balanced weights. Mated floating around the room, sometimes bumping into walls, now spinning like a clock, a few meters from the floor.
was married, loved and hated, as the future of the polarity of my mother. They made love against the ceiling until my birth, then against the floor as my mother had gained a lot with the pregnancy.
But my early childhood would be marked by tragedy.
With the demands of married life, my mother crazy when I ended up averaging two years. Had exacerbated his bipolar disorder and had admitted to a neuropsychiatric disorder. As my father could not just me, I landed on my grandparents' house.
"If we could with the parent, the child can," said my grandmother.
And my father returned to his solitary life, with a fat lady who was helping him with household items. I visited him almost every day. The lifted me and sat on a seat so high that reached their world. They looked like coming and going upside down. Yet I have vivid memories of his face inverted smiling face with the absurd view upside down smiles.
One day my father went for a walk with his shoes lead. Tripped over a planter, lost a shoe and hit the sky. Some neighbors saw him leave to rise with the left leg down and the rest of the body falling into the vastness, flapping like a flag until it disappeared into the clouds. That was the death of my father.
Today, all those events in my distant past lives on in me in the form of a flash that I receive from time to time, single images of laughter from my father and my mother's excitement when the disease had worsened and he saw wonderful life and bright future in his day good.
A journal of my father and my grandmother's stories permanent help me keep the story alive. And I like to remember forever: before falling asleep, or every time I close my eyes, or when I go for a walk in the park, going well, as I now, lying on your back, hands behind his head, looking at the sky while floating weightless through the tops of the trees.